Chattershop

Go Back   Chattershop > Feet On The Desk > The Beaver Expedition
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 24th March 2005, 11:33 AM
senileoldgit senileoldgit is offline
Quad CPU God
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: fantasy land
Posts: 5,779
senileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond repute
Default

With the Media continuing to carry lurid stories, using obviously forged Journal entries to substantiate them, I feel the true story should be told in order to allow some dignity to be retained by those who failed to return & protect their reputations for the sake of their families.

As with any tale there is a beginning. The real beginning occurred before my birth but for this harrowing story I'll begin with the death of my Great-Uncle, "Foul" Fred.

"Foul" was a well deserved & earned nickname & his reputation was so foul & nauseating that it fell to me, as the only member of the family with a strong enough stomach, to deal with his estate.

Having handed all the paperwork & documents to the legal parties dealing with this matter all that was left was the odious task of entering the foul abode of "Foul" Fred in order to see if there was anything of value among the effects.

After an exhaustive search I had found relatively little; the local Museum or, perhaps, a private collector might have been willing to part with some money for the explosive device from the Napoleonic era & there might also have been some interest in the box of two hundred reusable Condoms.

All that was left for me to do was kick in the door of the locked room.

Hundreds of Photographic Albums were stored there. Every one containing hundreds of pictures of Beaver.

Recovering from my fainting spell, induced by those Photographs containing images of dripping wet Beaver, I realised my aimless existence was over.

I now had a purpose in life.

I would dedicate myself to hunting Beaver until I had one, or more, to call my own.

I returned home to plan & decide how best to recruit members for ......... The Beaver Expedition!

<span style='font-size:7.4pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'>A short entry from The Journal Of The Beaver Expedition will appear here on Sunday. Possibly.</span></span>
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 26th August 2005, 03:32 PM
 
Posts: n/a
Exclamation

<span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:blue'>* * * *The Journal Of The Beaver Expedition</span></span>



4:20am. After a sleepless night of much tossing, & a little turning, I realise I have no idea how to go about the business of obtaining Beaver. A brisk walk in the chill morning air may clear the cobwebs from my mind.

5:05am. Fate has indeed smiled upon me. Whilst passing through the financial district I chanced to overhear snippets of an argument between some financial wizz kids & their manager, a Mr Pimp as far as I could ascertain, concerning money. I believe I may have found the first hardy, rugged souls to aid me in my quest for Beaver.

5:25am. I have recruited "Pervy" Pix', "Randy" Renegade, "Horsey" Hombre & "Sexi" Silentst. I wouldn't have expected financial Wizz kids to be tough enough to handle the rigours of hunting Beaver but anybody who can stand on street corners wearing just string vests, black leather mini-skirts & fish net stockings in this freezing weather must be tough.

Strange Dress Code in my opinion although I had heard that some financial Companies insist on traditional attire.

As soon as their associate, "Pharty" Phantom, returns from dealings with a client we will start planning.


5:35am "Pharty" Phantom has not returned yet & as the plaintive screams from a nearby darkened alley are somewhat distracting we have decided to find a Cafe & make our plans over a hearty breakfast as soon as he joins us.

5:45am. He still has not appeared! The plaintive screams have changed to pathetic whimpering intermixed with sobbing. "Rude" Renegade has assured me that "Pharty" shouldn't be too long now.

6:10am. "Pharty" Phantom has finally appeared. I'm somewhat dubious about his value to the Expedition as he staggered from the darkened alley & is walking like somebody with severe constipation. The other Expedition Members assure me that he will quickly recover.

6:55am. We have recruited an unsuccessful street performer by the name of Napoleon Bonaparte who was performing acts of escapology outside the Central institute for the Criminally insane. After releasing him from his straight jacket he informed us that he'd prefer to be know as "Mad" Mohrk as his real name has caused him difficulties in the past.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 18th September 2005, 03:01 AM
senileoldgit senileoldgit is offline
Quad CPU God
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: fantasy land
Posts: 5,779
senileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond repute
Default

7:35am. We have finally found a Cafe & can now start planning.

""Tempting" TBug's cafe of Delights" seems to be very busy with a convrention of Naturists but the large number of dirty Macs scattered around make me think they have to take in Laundry to make up for quiet periods.


7:50am. The Cafe owner, overhearing our talk of Beaver & wealth, approached & demanded to know how a fortune could be gained from Beaver.

Upon discovering that fortunes could only be gained through large quantities of Beaver "Tempting" TBug pleaded to be allowed to join The expedition.

I have no intention of allowing somebody so hideously deformed to join.


8:05am. Mad Mohrk has just informed me that "Tempting" TBug may be a Woman & not deformed at all.
All those bumps & curves still look strange to me but I will inform her that she can join.


8:15am. As I was explaing the situation a scream of "diiiiiiiie Biiiitch", followed by an eight inch knife whizzing past my ear to thud into the wall caused me to turn to behold a strange person, wearing a T-shirt with ""Dangerous" Dook" emblazoned on it, pointing & shouting "He went that way".

8:35am. "Tempting" TBug & "Dangerous" Dook are both now members of The Beaver Expedition.

I decided to enlist "Dangerous" Dook as he is the only person to have seen the attempted assassin & will be the only one able to recognise him & give us warning.

I fail to understand why anybody would try to kill me or call me "biiiitch" *though. It troubles me greatly.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 15th October 2006, 07:34 PM
senileoldgit senileoldgit is offline
Quad CPU God
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: fantasy land
Posts: 5,779
senileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Disaster! Somebody hit me over the head & I've been in a coma for an unknown ammout of time.
Once I find out what year it is I'll contact the other members of the Expedition & we'll start out in our pursuit of Beaver. Despite my recent incapacitation the thought of fresh Beaver sets my body atingle.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 15th October 2006, 07:54 PM
senileoldgit senileoldgit is offline
Quad CPU God
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: fantasy land
Posts: 5,779
senileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond repute
Default

I've recovered somewhat & managed to convince Pervy Pix to rejoin the expedition.

i had to use a sharp pin to deflate "Beverly the blow up babe" in order to gain his attention but the offer of real live Beaver seems to have convinced him to join the quest.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 15th October 2006, 08:02 PM
CitrusC CitrusC is offline
Chaos Incarnate (Mod)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: North Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 1,300
CitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond reputeCitrusC has a reputation beyond repute
Default

...you've just made me think of something, where the hell did tBug go as of late?

Oh, and to give this post more of a point: BEAVER EXPEDITION ROOOLZ!!1 *streaks through thread*
__________________
"In the ongoing battle against the non-canned variety of spam, I assure you I shall do my utmost to throat-punch each and every spammer I stumble across."
E3 2006 Keynote pledge regarding Chattershop forums.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 15th October 2006, 08:28 PM
senileoldgit senileoldgit is offline
Quad CPU God
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: fantasy land
Posts: 5,779
senileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond reputesenileoldgit has a reputation beyond repute
Default

After hitting the hands of Fruity Citrus with an iron bar I eventually managed to pry him away from the lamp post, I'm surprised he never got electrocuted doing what he was to be honest. he has rejoined our group. I just wish he'd stop the saliva dribbling every where whenever Beaver is mentioned.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:44 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.5.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© Chattershop